Alois's Diary Keep your filthy claws away!
by pinkcupcakebunny
Summary: A day in the life of the spoiled brat Alois. Alois's life is never boring and quite outrageous, from Grell becoming pregnant to torturing dear Ciel. Everything is quite "normal" until one day... ***CRACKFIC***
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! This is my first fanfiction, I hope you enjoy! This is purely made of crack… tons of it. There are tons of random pairings in this and if you would like a specific one, you can request any crack/fan pairings. This is really messed up and has nothing to do with the manga or anime at all. Also if you don't like crack fanfictions or any ideas in this, don't read. **some cussing**

Enjoy the Randomness!

-Dear Diary,

Today the love of my life, Ciel Phantomhive, called me a brat. I am not a brat. I am just a whiny, annoying, kid that gets everything I want. Ciel thinks he's so great because he has a steamy, dreamy, butler. Well, guess what? I am far more superior because I have an A-Ma-Zing Butler named Claude. He's great when he's not kissing Sebastian's ass.

Later on this evening after that imbecile and his butler left, Grell came. Grell came to tell me something very, very important. To be perfectly honest, I hate Grell. I hate his stupid hair, stupid voice, stupid clothes, and most of his husband William. Anyway, Grell visited me today to tell me he was preggers! I do not understand how this freak can be pregnant and lost his virginity before I have… besides I'm pretty sure that he's a guy. At least I try to think he's a guy. Who knows? With red hair and a whiny voice like that it's difficult to be sure.

At around midnight I left my house to visit my ciellie wellie. I already saw him this morning, but after a couple hours I finally came up with a comeback to tell him after calling me a brat. I climbed up his house and jumped in the bathroom window and snuck into his bedroom. When I got into his room, Ciel was asleep so I jumped on his bed in a desperate attempt to wake him up. Once Ciel saw me on top of him, he started screaming at me to get the fuck out of his mansion… Because I hate him so much, I remained on top of him laughing evilly until Sebastian barged in the room to rescue Ciel. Sebastian picked me up with ease and carried me out the door and Ciel followed him down the stairs and flashed me the middle finger before Sebastian shut the front door in my face.

After that incident I was sitting on Ciel's front steps until my butler finally came to pick me up. Once Claude pulled up into the driveway, he threw the door open and started yelling at me to stop being so irresponsible and that I shouldn't be sneaking into my arch enemy's house at 12 in the morning. Whatever.

**Sorry this is a bit short, but it's a diary so the entries are smaller than a chapter would be. So because of how short these are I'll try to update 2 chapters a day! (If I'm not being lazy xD)

R&R please!


	2. Chapter 2

Here's chapter two! Thank you for the (two) reviews! Even if they're small amount I still enjoy them!

Enjoy the Randomness!

Dear Diary,

I told Claude to go take a vacation because he was getting highly annoying. Claude got all excited and skipped out of the house literally five seconds later with a large bundle of suitcases. I don't know where he is headed but as long as he is far away from me, I don't care.

It's barely been five minutes since he's left and I miss him. I don't know how to tie my shoes and Claude isn't here to do it for me. I would force Hannah to do it but she's terrified of me and locked herself in her room somewhere and it would be awful if I had to walk down to her room to ask her. I hate walking long distances… usually I have Claude carry me when I'm tired. But he isn't here… I miss Claude…

It's now been ten minutes and I have no idea where Claude is so I can't command him to come back here. Maybe I should go see Ciel and complain to him that I don't have a butler anymore… WAIT! Doesn't Ciel have a butler? That's it! I'm going to kidnap Sebastian! I bet Sebastian is an even better butler than Claude! I can't wait for him to tie my shoes! I'm so excited I could die!

-Le time skip-

I'm under Ciel's bed right now. It's crowded with boxes of eye patches and each box has a different kind. The box on my left has pink eye patches, and on my right a bedazzled one. I think I might steal that. I hear footsteps… I'm pretty sure they're Ciel's…. nope. The feet are coming to the edge of the bed and they're huge. It must be Sebastian! No, it's Ciel… He just bent down and found me under his bed… and now he's screaming profanities at me and telling me to stop writing and listen to him-

_This is Ciel. Alois if you are reading this, yes I have stolen your beloved diary because you were not listening to me. I would like you to stop invading my home and disturbing the peace here. You may not have my butler, and I agree he is dreamy. But you may not have him. He is mine. You have Claude… if he ever comes back! HA! Such a loser! You told Claude to leave and now he's never coming back! HAHAHAHA! Also, I want my bedazzled eye patch back that you stole from my boxes under my bed._

_Goodbye,_

_Ciel Phantomhive the awesomest person ever! _

Sorry this is a bit short, but it's a diary so the entries are smaller than a chapter would be. So because of how short these are I'll try to update 2 chapters a day! (If I'm not being lazy xD)

R&R please!


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